Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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