A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
