so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize