let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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