dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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