Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
