i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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