Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
