I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
