we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
