I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
