There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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