he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
