Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
