im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
