He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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