how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My dick has a subreddit
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
