I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize