ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
