Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
