so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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