Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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