Pants 0. Shit 1.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize