Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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