and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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