why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
