i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
then he tried to convert me to islam
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
