My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
