i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
