plz talk dirty to me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
