the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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