Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You have to summon your inner elephant
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
