time to smoke my breakfast
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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