I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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