So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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