She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
