Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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