Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
