Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
