dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
