apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
