My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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