I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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