She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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