Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
