i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
