Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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