I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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