i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
