saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
