with your own penis?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
