My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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