So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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