the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
