I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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