Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
