Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
