I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
