4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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