Your dad touched me again.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize