dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
