I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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