I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
