On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
