R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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