Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
