Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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