so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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