around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
