My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
