i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Shame - the story of my life.
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