Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
