What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
