I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
