Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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