I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
