2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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