last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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