Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
