I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
