i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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