hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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