So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
