Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize