whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
