1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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