We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize