I just made out with a guy for $7.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
