I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
