so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
