I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
