I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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