I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So here I am, sexting at work.
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