High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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