I puked a lego.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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