Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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