WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
