Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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