This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
