I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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