I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize