Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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