Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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