How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
