I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
