The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
