I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
a search helicopter?!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
