i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
