I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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