At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
