I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
