Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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