I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
