it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She's the barista slut.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The adults are the big ones right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
