Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
