Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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