No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
