She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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