i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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